Taking Care of Business

Every time someone you know loses someone they love, they say to make sure you tell those you love you love them every day, to live every day like it's your last. Mom and I have been in the habit of telling each other we love each other so regularly for so long that I can't remember when it started, although I suspect it was shortly after I graduated high school and left home (which at that point made expressing our feelings much easier). In fact, we say "I love you" to each other so often it would probably get on someone else's nerves if they had to be around us for very long. Sometimes I ask mom, "Are you sick of hearing me say that?" and she'll say "of course not!" and we'll laugh. When I was little we even went through a period where we had a code for it: squeezing the other's hand 3 times, for I. Love.You.

It's weird I know (even to me, sometimes) but I can honestly say I think that mom and I have no unfinished business. One of the questions the social worker for the hospice asks is about what unfinished business mom has in her relationships and what she would like to see happen. Mom couldn't think of anything to say. Everyone she loves knows she loves them. She has no unfinished arguments or issues with anyone (except for maybe my dad, and he's beyond finishing anything). She and I long ago passed into a habit of peaceful co-existence that seldom sees a disagreement and all of those are misumderstandings which rise more out of exhaustion than anything else and are quickly cleared up. We understand each other. How many people can actually say that?

I've been extraordinarily blessed in my life to have not one, but four people with whom I share this kind of relationship. People with whom it is not necessary for me to speak unless I feel like it, with whom companionable silence serves us just as well as the raucous belly laugh or the heartfelt conversation (or hug). I'm not sure why I've been so blessed. But I cherish my mom and I'm happy and honored to be sharing this last era of her life with her. I'm glad we have the good relationship we have. It's hard but doable. I can't imagine how on earth we would be able to function, dealing with our day-to-day challenges, if we didn't have each other's understanding. And love.